Transportation is going to give me an ulcer.

Yesterday was unimaginable. I put my little prince on the bus for the first time. He got on and didn't look back. I was bored all day long. I cleaned and scrubbed and tidied and wondered what the heck I'd have left to do today if i kept it up. Finally it's time to go get him off the bus. Kids came off, he wasn't one of them. I called to the driver. He had the backpack with him, but no little prince. He hollered for him. He mentioned that (duh) he must've gotten on the bus because he had the backpack. He thought for a moment and said that he thought my little prince got off at another stop. he asked if he was a little blond boy. I affirmed and started panicking. The driver offered to take me to the previous stop and I thought it would be quicker than to walk the half city block or so back to my own vehicle. So he drove me to the previous stop where we saw my little prince charming playing at the park on a slide. I almost collapsed from relief. The bus pulled up and opened it's doors and the driver called out his name. He looked up and came running back onto the bus. He almost walked past me but I tugged on his shirt. He turned and looked at me and said "oh hi mom" like there was nothing in the world wrong. He hugged me and said "I'm happy to see you" and I told him that he had no idea how happy I was to see him too!

First day of Kindergarten

I woke up this morning, made my little prince breakfast (which he refused to eat), and took him to school. I didn't have a drop off procedure written out or told to me so I followed the line of cars waiting in front of his school, parked, and took him inside to his teacher's room where he was greeted with a hug from his new teacher and encouraged to find a place to sit down at their tables. I told the little prince to give me a hug and said goodbye but he held onto my leg and said "no, don't go" and I nearly went to pieces. I also encouraged him to find a place to sit so he did and I left the room without looking back. I didn't hear him yell or cry or in anyway notice I'd left. I asked his teacher who I should talk to about transportation as I thought since a bus stopped at our apartment complex, it would stand to reason my little guy would ride it to school. He sent me to the office where I asked who to contact. I was told that they could give me the number for transportation, but that we were "within walking distance" so the bus didn't go from our place to the school. I said no problem, I can bring him and pick him up, I just needed to know. I craved to go back to his classroom and check on how he was doing, but I didn't let myself. I started walking down the hall and when I saw all those kids putting papers and backpacks in their lockers I started crying! I was angry at myself. "Stop being ridiculous!" I screamed in my head. I pulled myself together and stepped between the double doors that opened up to the outside. One of the little prince's teachers was out there and asked me how I was. "Fine," I squeaked. I squeaked? Oh no. There came the tears. A woman in front of me turned, wiping her eyes, and said she was glad that she wasn't the only one.

When I came back at noon to pick him up from his half day, I followed the written pickup procedure. I was nearly the only one. The procedure clearly states not to start a second line but that's what others did. I was stuck in my car by the curb in 90° weather with the top down getting sunburned for 20 minutes before I got up to the doors. The 2nd line was moving much more quickly than the first line. I believe maybe the teachers were trying to clear it out for us by the curb but it only encourages them to continue doing it. By the time I got up there by the door, the teacher was no longer in sight. I went into the building and his room was dark. I wondered where my little guy was so I went outside and asked another teacher where I should look. she said that sometimes students were sent to the office if the teacher had to go to a meeting or something and they hadn't been picked up yet. I saw his teacher on my way to the office so I asked him where I should look for him. He told me he may be on the bus if he got in the wrong line. I mentioned that he didn't have a bus tag! His teacher said that his name was on the bus list. It annoyed me to think that this grown man tried to pawn off responsibility to my boy for getting on a bus when he's only 5 years old! Actually, he won't even be 5 till Friday. The teacher ran out to the bus which hadn't left yet and got him off the bus to ride home with me. Boy was my little prince upset. He wanted to ride the bus! But who knows where he would have ended up? Sure, Kindergarteners aren't let off the bus without a parent to pick them up but without a bus tag, the driver can't know he's a kindergartener. And if my little prince got talking to anotehr child, he may have just got off the bus with them, who knows where! I called transportation when I got home and asked them if he could ride the bus since there was one that stopped here. I gave his name and the name of the complex where we live and his grade and school. The lady that answered the phone said that he would be on the bus starting tomorrow, that she was making up a bus tag to give to the driver to tie to the little prince's backpack. So there we have that! He gets on the bus tomorrow and I have to trust that there are procedures in place to make sure he gets to where he needs to go!

It's so incredibly difficult for me to trust someone I don't know with the care of my child. I feel like no one knows him or understands him like I do and that I'm sure he'll have problems communicating with anyone else. I'm certain that he's going to lose his lunch money, or say he doesn't have any, or something. Then he'll make a wrong turn in the hallway and go to somewhere he doesn't know and not know how to get back to his room and with his communication difficulties he won't be able to tell them he needs to go to Mr. K's room. Let it go, Kendra. Let it go.